OUT OF THE BLUE
Animals at 30,000 feet
By Elliott Hester

Sometimes the airplane cabin can be a real zoo. I'm not referring to passengers, mind you. I'm talking about their pets.

Airlines allow only domestic household pets to travel in the passenger cabin. These pets must remain in a kennel that is small enough to fit under a seat. Unacceptable pets such as snakes and lizards must travel in the pressurized cargo compartment with larger animals. As is the case with many aspects of air travel, however, things don't always work the way they should.

Occasionally, passengers smuggle pets aboard the aircraft. They've been known to carry rabbits in purses and gerbils in the pockets of their pants. (Even with heightened security measures, gerbil-carrying passengers can still make it past the metal detectors.) I once caught a teenager with a ferret in a hatbox. He sat quietly in his seat, with the hatbox poised on his lap. Each time I walked up the aisle, the kid would lean forward and wrap his arms around the box as if I were going to snatch it. Alerted by this suspicious behavior, I confronted the teenager who sheepishly confessed to the crime. "Keep the lid closed," I said in a stern voice. I'm sure he thought I was overreacting, but experience has taught me that kids, pets and airplanes can be a bad combination.

A young boy (I'll call him Timmy) once brought his pet hamster on a flight. Timmy carried the hamster in a kennel and stowed it properly under a main-cabin seat. But sometime during the flight, the boy broke the rules and opened the kennel. His hamster escaped.

Meanwhile, far away in first class, a female passenger saw what she thought was a rat. It just so happened that at the percise moment she screamed, the captain stepped out of the cockpit. Being a noble sort, he stomped the "rat" and deposited the corpse in a trash bin. Needless to say, little Timmy never saw his pet hamster again.

Believe it or not, thespian pets are given "celebrity" status. Yes, that's right. If Frasier's Jack Russell terrier or the Taco Bell Chihuahua board a flight, they're entitled to preferential treatment by the airline. Word for word, here's what my company-issue flight attendant manual says about celebrity animals:

Celebrity Animals are defined as:
–Cats/Dogs that are seen on popular TV programs/commercials
–Usually travel in the First Class cabin but can travel in any cabin
–Do not require pet kennels to be accommodated in the cabin

A celebrity animal is considered acceptable if the animal is:
– Free of odor and parasites
– Well-mannered and harnessed

Celebrity animals may be seated at the owner's feet during takeoff and landing

A celebrity animal may travel in a passenger seat provided the following:
–Must be a celebrity animal, not have a celebrity owner
– Animal companion must provide own seat cushion and seat belt adapter for animal to be strapped in seat

And then there are the common animals and insects. On one flight or another I've swatted flies and moths, flattened cockroaches, cornered a mouse, chased a wayward sparrow, downed a couple of dragonflies and fought off a squadron of Caribbean bumblebees that wreaked havoc in the first-class cabin.

Two years ago, a Mesaba Airlines jet en route to Allentown, Pa., via Detroit was diverted to Cleveland because a passenger had been stung by a scorpion. According to news reports, a 40-year-old man felt a sting on his hand approximately halfway through the flight. Mesaba spokeswoman Shirley Doering said the man looked down and saw the offending creature, which was swiftly killed by another passenger. "Our guess is it probably got into a passenger's carry-on luggage from the Southwest, Mexico or the Caribbean," Doering said.

Passengers were put on other flights while the plane returned to Detroit for fumigation. The victim received immediate medical attention upon landing and was released the same day with a swollen hand and a helluva in-flight story.

During an October, 1998 Ansett Airlines flight from Melbourne to Perth, Australia, 6-year-old Khyl Hardy reached under his seat for a lost lollipop and was bitten by a snake. Reports say his mother noticed something was wrong when the boy started trembling. Medical tests later confirmed that Khyl had in fact been bitten by a taipan snake. Bite victims have difficulty breathing and can suffer rapid paralysis; without an antidote, the likelihood of mortality is high. Thankfully, this young passenger survived.

Ansett grounded the A-320 aircraft in Adelaide, where seven snake catchers boarded to search for the creature. When their efforts failed, sniffer dogs were summoned. But the snake proved elusive for the four-legged posse as well. In the end, the airplane had to be fumigated. "We're absolutely satisfied that there is no snake on that aircraft," said Ansett spokesman Peter Young. He believes a passenger must have brought it onboard.

It wouldn't be the first time this happened. Not long ago, as our 727 prepared to push back from the gate, a frightened woman approached one of my colleagues. The guy sitting next to her had apparently placed a backpack beneath the seat in front of him. According to the woman, the backpack was moving.

Flight attendants approached the man and inquired about the contents of his backpack. "It's just my pet python," he said, referring to the 6-foot monster that slithered inside. The snake was removed from the aircraft. So was its incredulous owner.